speaking of douche bags...

I can't not tell this story...

Several years ago I was kind of, sort of dating this guy... let's call him "Mike".
Alicia, my mom, and I were in my parents' kitchen and I was talking about him for some reason. The conversation went something like this.

Alicia: "Mike is a douche bag."
Me: "He is not! He's just misunderstood and sometimes acts like a douche bag as a coping mechanism for his insecurities. He is a really good person inside. Plus he buys me dinner occasionally and I like kissing him on the mouth." -- Okay, everything but the first three words were probably just in my head.
Mom: "Don't use that word.
     (Dad walks in.)
"That's such a disgusting word. You need to speak like ladies or you'll never get married and make me grand kids and finally make me proud." --Or something like that.
Dad: "What word?"
Alicia/Me: "Douche bag."
Dad: "Hmm..." Begins dancing with pointer fingers extended, both arms outstretched and alternating up and down, face up in Mom's grill. "DOUCHE BAG! DOUCHE BAG! DOUCHE BAG!"

It's so characteristic of my dad to do something so uncharacteristic for shock value.

Some days later, either Alicia or I was telling the story to some friends of ours.  Half way through the telling, she/I realized that Mike was in the room... so she/I changed the name and pretended the story was about someone else, leaving the climactic "DOUCHE BAG!" dance sequence in, of course.  The "douche bag dance" was a hit hinging on phenomenon, as many of our friends adopted it into their everyday routines.

The story came full circle when I was hanging out with Mike one day.  One of us called someone a douche  (I totally overused and continue to overuse that word) and  Mike did the douche bag dance.  The dance he didn't even know was about him.  The best part is that while I was laughing at the utterly glorious irony,  he kept doing it, assuming he was being funny.

Well,
the story has now been immortalized.  Kind of.

I made the mistake of telling the douche bag dance story to my fourth period.  I can't remember why.  (I do/say crap like that all the time that only proves my immaturity.) But when one of my students was asked by a yearbook staffer what "the craziest thing her teachers have said" was, she relayed the douche bag dance story.  And they put in the yearbook.

Luckily, it was edited to read "stupid head dance" or something like that.  But it's still awesome. Embarrassing for me, but awesome.  My only hope is that Mike sees it somehow and still doesn't realize it's about him.

p.s. "Mike" really was a douche bag. I think I finally recognized it during his rendition of the dance.

DB

You are a douche bag and your son is a moron.
That's what I wanted to say.
That's what I wanted to say when an irrationally irate parent left me a nasty message and sent me a nasty email this morning over something ridiculously trivial.
What I really said was something like, "Thanks for being actively involved in your child's education."
I hate being polite.

weekend getaway

I'm a little embarrassed at my candor turned pity party I threw myself this week.  I'm still a little emotional about it all (I swear I'm not pregnant!) and I'm still not sure what decision Brad and I will make, but I'm glad I have such a supportive husband, family, and friends who let me be myself and trust me to make my own decisions. It's also so helpful to know that I'm not alone in my struggle.  People have come out of the woodwork to offer support and help watching my kids, and that means more to me than you will ever know.  Thank you!!

On a lighter note...

We spent a couple days last weekend up at the Wilsons' family cabin up in Scofield.  It was pretty cold but we managed to have fun both inside and out with the Bradfords, Jenkinses, Kyle Wilson, and Tahsha Ford.  Oh, and TEN kids -- please, everybody, it's time to stop reproducing :)

Anyway, we spent some time taking in the scenery from the deck Friday night before everybody got there. I just noticed that you can see my reflection in the window... creepy.

          
Kaiya and Delaney                        

 Liberty and Leah

Jen is a genius and gathered the rowdy kids to play musical chairs... I mean musical acoustic guitar hotpads... on Friday night.

 Kaiya took it pretty seriously.

 Here's Boston, Ben, Kaiya, and Delaney Saturday morning.

After breakfast, Riley, Ben, and Casey went for a walk.  I love how big Ben thinks he is hanging out with the big boys.

 Boston and Hank quickly joined in their "exploring".

 At one point I lost Ben and found him trying to lie down in the wood pile.

Saturday afternoon we attempted to take the kids fishing.  Most of them didn't last too long.  This is Liberty, Sam, Jen, Boston, and Clint.

 See how happy Kaiya and Delaney are?? Tahsha and Kyle are good sports.

 Kaiya insisted on holding the fishing pole at least once before we left.  About thirty seconds later Joe helped her reel in a fish.  Perfect timing.  How cute is her face!?

 I love how much Ben looks like his daddy. 

I guess I didn't take any pictures of Greta and Joe.  Whoops. 

As much as I love vacationing with ten kids -- really, I do -- I seriously can't wait for our adults only trip planned for June!! I'm starting to forget what it's like to sleep in. 

ramblings of a Sunday afternoon

Both of my kids are asleep, my husband is gone, my mom's not answering her phone, and I need to sort through some thoughts. Here goes.

I'm really starting to resent working. I only work 10 days a month, and I'm still really starting to resent working. I can't tell whether it's a genuine desire to be a better, more hands-on mom or just my own laziness that's driving this latest lament.

If I could stay home full time I could take my kids to school and dance and birthday parties without worrying about burdening others. I could also snuggle them when they're sick instead of hassling with last minute sub plans and taking a "family leave" day to care for them (when that's even possible -- we've had to call on grandma to take care of our sickies on multiple occasions when neither of us could take a day off). And then there's the future to think about... if I didn't work, I could actually put my kids on the bus in the mornings and be here when they get home from school. I could help in their classrooms. I like to pretend that I'd have more time for cutesy crafts and fancy meals too.

Now, I know I need to be realistic. It all comes down to money, right? Right now, not only do I bring home a paycheck every month, I bring home health insurance. I understand that my 10 days a month are keeping my family afloat. Without my job, we would have no house. I get that. And I love my house. It's nothing fancy, but I feel like it defines Brad and me... not in a materialistic way but in a sentimental way.

When we got married, we moved into Brad's apartment which was attached to the Provo mortuary. I was excited to move in because it was free rent, but I really didn't think it mattered where we lived as long as we were together (my rose-colored glasses were pretty rosy, I'll admit). We decided to move out of that apartment, however, after just a few months for a couple reasons: the first being that we (okay, Brad) was sick of the work the live-in position entailed. Our job was to man any viewings held in the building and clean the building regularly. It's really not that hard but after working in the mortuary all day, the last thing Brad wanted to do was work in the mortuary all night. The second reason we chose to move was all me. I hated living in that apartment because it's where Brad lived with his first wife. Call me crazy, jealous, paranoid, whatever, but I felt like I was living in her second-hand space -- which is funny, because the thought never crossed my mind while we were dating. Anyway, I didn't like the idea of doing dishes where she did dishes, of using the same drawer for my blow dryer, of hanging my clothes in her closet.... you get the idea. I felt like a fresh space would erase her leftovers. Moving truly did help me feel like Brad's and my relationship was new, special, unique.

I won't pretend that I don't have other ongoing issues with my second wife status, but I won't get into all that now :)

Anyway, Brad and I looked at several houses and builders and even made some offers on other homes. But when we walked into this home, which was still under construction, both of us knew it was the right one. We immediately fell in love with the floor plan and the location and we lucked out in timing with the price. (In hindsight, I can see that we probably jumped the gun a little bit; no newlywed couple needs a brand new home.) We moved in just before Christmas of 2005. It's interesting to realize that ALL of our memories are in this house. We poured our blood, sweat, and tears into finishing the yard and the basement. We've furnished and decorated nearly from scratch. I finished college and ended up getting hired at a school just up the road. We've brought two babies home to this house. And now we're looking forward to having a temple practically across the street. Needless to say, I'm very attached to this plot of ground. The thought of moving makes me really sad.

And yet moving is the only way I'll be able to quit my job. We could easily move back into a mortuary apartment; there's one coming available in just a few months. We would have less than half the square footage we have now and no yard to speak of, but we could do it. I just don't know if I want to. I don't know if I want to go back to the mortuary lifestyle of cleaning and viewings and Brad working around the clock. But I feel like now all I'm doing is rambling.

The bottom line is that I'm not sure which decision is more selfish: keeping my house at the cost of giving my children the mom they deserve, or staying home at the cost of giving my family the house they deserve.

Life...

Sometimes I get the feeling that my life is really boring. It takes all my energy just to take care of my little family, and then I feel like I don't have much to show for it. The days tend to blend together in one busy blur. I guess it's a good thing God gave us cameras to capture the moments amidst the madness :)

So, here are some fleeting glimpses of what we've been up to this spring. Kaiya is becoming quite the little lady slash social butterfly. She loves preschool and dance, and spends most of her days bossing poor Ben around. (He has only recently begun to protest.) Ben is such a boy; he loves playing with balls and trains and cars, throwing things around, and making noise. He remains the sweetest little guy in the world and is still very eager to please.

Here are some random shots of our activities...

a trip to City Creek Center (which really is all it's cracked up to be).


(I've since highlighted my hair and now I'm pretty sure Alicia and I have the exact same everything.)
a round of dress-ups with Isabel in which Ben was a surprisingly willing participant


Easter morning


all dressed up in new clothes for church Easter morning. How killer is Kaiya's dress, BTW??? I love everything about it.



our annual Easter egg hunt at the Walkers'. I totally forgot to bring my kids' baskets so Kaiya had a really classy garbage bag to collect her goodies in.


Ben was kind of in his own world...


as was Kaiya, once the eggs and treats were all found.

We spent Spring Break at my parents' house in Washington, where the kids had a blast playing with Matt's and Brett's old toys. (Umm, ya, these are really the only pictures I have of the whole trip.)


These last ones are from this morning. Ben and Kaiya were so cute in their bubble bath, I couldn't not document it.

And yes, Ben does have a bit of a black eye and a puffy top lip. The poor guy seems to have inherited his dad's energy but his mom's coordination.

So concludes the longest blog post in history. I'm impressed if anybody is still reading :)

Updates

Kaiya is on a regimented diet and exercise program... okay, so she just joined in on Brad doing P90X while wearing her usual dress-ups. This particular ensemble cracks me up; Tinkerbell complete with a purse, gloves, and pearls. We're averaging about six costume changes a day around here lately.


I went to a conference last weekend and came home to Brad and Kaiya asleep on the couch. How either of them could actually sleep like this is beyond me. (And did you notice the Rapunzel dress?)


Ben is finally starting to talk. One of his favorite words is "choo-choo", so we've been playing with a lot of trains lately. (Too bad he thinks anything with wheels is a "choo-choo".) He also says "ya," "uh-uh," "Die-uh," and "muh" - which I thought was an attempt at mom, but is really just the word he uses when he wants something. It's crazy how old he is starting to look. He's definitely not a baby anymore.



Lastly, I think I've finally finished my TV stand. I put fabric along the back and bottom panels of the shelf to give it more color. I also got cuter baskets and decided against leaving the top empty after finding this super cute tray and finial at Target. Kaiya is obsessed with the bird figurine, however, so he's usually not in his perch.


Doesn't the white look awesome? I still kind of wish I'd done it blue... but I think the fabric inside is a good compromise :)

Did It Myself

We inherited this old dresser from Brad's parents; apparently it was part of their first bedroom set. (I so wish I had a before picture of the grainy walnut color and scrolly brass hardware.)

Anyway - I painted it black and used it in the guest room for a few years. But when we got a new TV but couldn't afford a new TV stand last fall (at least not the $1000 one I had my eye on), it made its way upstairs.

After a few months of still not being able to afford a new TV stand (it sucks to have expensive taste without the means to satiate it), I decided to give the old girl a makeover. I've seen a lot of people modifying old dressers for TV stands on the internets lately, and thought I'd give this whole DIY craze a try.

I wanted something like this...

Or like this...

And after some minor hiccups, I ended up with this...

It's not perfect. Up close the wood stain on the white paint just kind of makes it look dirty. And I still need to fix a couple spots and put on a coat of poly. I also need to sew some cute blue fabric liners for the boring baskets. (I was experimenting with some ribbon when I snapped this picture with my phone.) And Apple needs to release the new Apple TV so I can get rid of the bulky, eyesore XBox :)

But overall, I can't help but be proud of myself. I love the way the white color brightens up the room and contrasts with my super dark couches. I love that I don't feel the need to put any decorations on top of the dresser; I love simplicity! And of course, I love that I completely changed the feel of my living room for less than a Benjamin Franklin. I guess I can't complain about that.